How to Write Bad Poetry:

Start with: SCISSORS

Scissors are very good cutting your prose
                                                     into pieces (as well as fending off mobs of real poets).
It works better if you start with
                                                   some imagery, such as simile
                          because if everything is there
                                                         in the first place that makes it like
a childhood craft project:
mindlessly cutting and pasting
fragments of thoughts,
searching for meaning.
(a cliché by the way works well,
And may I mention
Add some tension
through predictable rhyme
how simply (time, climb, rhyme! no wait....) sublime!
Don’t even try to count syllables, meter is forbidden. Ridiculously longer lines
Followed with
Short lines
For a
few lines
Really annoy people.
Choose whatever pet peeves
are in season, which leaves
Random
                                                                        Words
                                                                                           Distributed
                           Across
    The
                                                  Page
or webspeak (LOL) and bad speling,
Rules of Punctuation; whats that
It sounds as useful as putting
Stupid stanzas in my work.
I CALL IT FREE VERSE, HATER!!
Don't forget to sprinkle drama liberally:
    Spellcheck wounds my page,
    Like razor blades
    cause they’re made
    For cutting things – duh.
    I can hear my page sigh
    I wish I could die
    The world is black like my
    black boots thigh-high

Create rhyme even if its grammatically incorrect!!!!11eleventy-1!!
Do you think they’ll notice?
Who created the rules, does anyone know?
Hi-ho, philosophical contemplations below
with my rhetorical questions!
(Is that a Pretense of Pretension?
unseen irony?! OH NOES!
I did that last climax so fast
I forgot to close my brackets!

                      End with:
                                    TWO FORKS.
Chances are it’ll give most people the shits (bad pun!)
but the forks don’t help with swallowing bad poetry. (and again!)
Chances are your worst critics will call it quits!
Instead they will stick the forks into their eyes go postal, have suspended computer privileges and will only have rubber safety utensils from there on in.
That way you’ll never know how bad your poetry really was…

Shame, really.

Storage Note: Best kept bottled up in an air tight container as Bad Poetry Stinks.